Quinn Ruth Duty

Quinn Ruth Duty arrived August 29th at 8:21am.

She weighed 8 lbs 15 oz and was 19 inches.

She is absolutely perfect. I love every single thing about this sweet baby girl and I am so thankful for her.

I figure I should document how the birth went down this time around. Man, it was so different from Brooklynn's birth. I thought I remembered what it was like to have a c-section but I must have been really out of it last time (being in labor for 40 hours prior to have Brooklynn via c-section).

The night before we dropped Brooklynn off at my in-laws house to spend the night there because we had to be at the hospital at 5:30am so it just made the most sense. This was hard for me.. dropping her off knowing that she really had no idea how her life was going to change while we were away. But we dropped her off got some dinner and then finished up some last minute things to get ready to have Quinn.

I had to stop drinking and eating at 11:30pm to prepare for surgery. The eating part wasn't a problem but not drinking anything after 11:30 was so hard for me. I felt like I was so thirsty and I was so hot so it was driving me crazy! 

Also, they wanted me to call and hour before I needed to be there to make sure they were not too busy for me to come in. Since I was scheduled I could be bumped back if there were too many people there who went into labor on their own. 

So between being really hot and not being able to drink any water, being really worried my c-section was going to be bumped back, and Brooklynn being away from me I could not sleep for a minute. It was awful. I was so tired but there was no way my body was going to let me sleep. So finally 4:30am rolls around and I can call to make sure I can come in. We got the green light THANK GOODNESS.

We got to the University of Utah hospital at 5:30am and got all checked in and situated in our room. It was so weird being alert and not in labor at all. I got my IV and had a bunch of different people come in and talk to me about the process. I don't remember how long it was before everything was all ready for me to go to the OR. They made Curtis stay behind in the recovery room while they took me to the OR to be prepped. I didn't know he wasn't going to be able to stay with me the whole time. I wasn't super happy about that but I was so excited/nervous I wasn't going to complain.

They had me walk to the OR. I sat on the operating table to get my spinal. With scheduled c-sections they do spinals instead of epidurals. So basically it's just one really high dose to make my lower half completely numb. While the annastieologist was doing the spinal he hit a nerve that sent a very sharp pain down my leg into my foot. It only lasted about 1 second but it was not cool. Once he was done they lay me right down because it starts working so fast. This was so weird. They started prepping me and it was like my body was disappearing. It was nuts.

I had heard about some friends who got really nauseous from their spinal and threw up a ton. I was really nervous about this but luckily for me I didn't get nauseous. I literally spent the whole time concentrating on breathing in and out. On each individual breath as I waited to hear that first cry. It was really weird being so much more aware of what was going on. With Brooklynn I was so out of it that I didn't really know what was going on.

Finally we heard a little cry and I was so happy. But they wouldn't give her to me right away because she had some fluid in her lungs and was having a hard time breathing. That was pretty scary because they had to work on her for quite a while. But everything turned out to be okay thankfully and I was able to see her before they took her to the nursery. I sent Curtis with her because I wanted at least one of us to be with her! 

After what felt like FOREVER they were finally done stitching me up and they took me into the recovery room where Curtis, my mom and my sister Ashley were waiting for me. 

I hemorrhaged a little bit this time and had a few small blood clots but it was a dream compared to what I went through after Brooklynn.

They finally brought Quinn into the room and I got to hold her for the first time. There is really something special about that first time you hold your baby in your arms. The love is just indescribable. And then from that moment on the love just grows with every second. ah it's incredible!!

I love this sweet baby girl of mine. 
Quinn Ruth.. you and your sister hold my heart. Forever and always!


^^morning before going into have Quinn^^

^^last photo before going into surgery^^

^^taking a little rest^^

^^looks fun huh?^^



^^Quinn Ruth Duty^^

hey get a good nights sleep, you're not going to get that for a while, they say.

here i am... 3:25 in the morning.. been up since 2.. went to bed at 12. 

cannot sleep. 

today is the day i have this sweet little girl. i'd love to be sleeping right now since i'm supposed to get up in 20 minutes but i just cannot sleep.

first off it's about 10 thousand degrees in our house right now.

second since 11:30pm last night i cannot eat or drink anything at all until after the c-section.

I AM SO THIRSTY! 

i've thought about cheating like 500 times already.. but i haven't.

also, i'm supposed to check into the hospital at 5:30am but they make you call 1 hour before then just to make sure no crazy emergencies have come it and that they are not pushing back your surgery.

this happened to me when i was induced with Brooklynn so it's driving me crazy and i just want to know that i'll be able to come in on time and it's making it so i cannot sleep.

why am i not one of those people who can just chill and go with the flow? i am more of a person who needs to know right now or it's going to bug me forever. i'm dreading that i'm going to call and they are going to tell me not to come in and that i have to wait.

that will crush me and surely make me give into drinking 44oz of water right there on the spot.. okay not really but maybe. haha

i am going to be so exhausted though this process today with this no sleep deal i've got going on tonight but what can i say? i'm a worrier.

hopefully everything is all good. i want to meet this baby girl so bad!!!

...and i miss my other baby.

no more only child.

tonight was the last night that i put brooklynn down for bed as an only child.

the last night where my 100% focus was on her where i had no other distractions.

we're not having our little girl until thursday but since i have to check into the hospital at 5:30am and the hospital is about 40 minutes away it would be too hard to drop her off somewhere so early so she will be sleeping at my in-laws tomorrow night.

normally, we do our nightly routine and then she falls asleep on her own. but tonight i sat down next to her bed and sang her songs and scratched her back until she fell asleep.. then just watched her sleep for a few minutes before i left.

gosh, my heart is so heavy. i'm never away from her and so i'm worried about being away from her while being in the hospital. i mean, i know once i get there i'll have so much on my mind, you know, like bringing another baby into the world, that i'll stop stressing about her. especially because i know how much she loves her grandma and grandpa and they are amazing and she is going to be so happy there.

i really just need to relax.. which i'm not all that great at doing when it comes to my little girl. she's just been with me all of the time since she was born. i've only been away from her over night once while we went on a cruise when she was 9 months old. 

i think it's time i toughen up.

so, tomorrow is our last day as a family of three. SO CRAZY!!!! 

i cannot wait to meet my sweet little girl.

one. more. day.

t-minus 2 weeks people

alrighty, so we are officially 2 weeks away from having this sweet baby girl. 2 weeks never felt like so far away. every day feels like a week. i am soooo ready. 

now you want to know how i know we are exactly 2 weeks away? because i am having a scheduled c-section on august 29th at 7:30am. i have to admit that it is really nice knowing the exact date and time she will be making her arrival. there have been a lot of people who ask.. "why do you want to have another c-section? don't you wanna try?" and then i tell them how my delivery with Brooklynn went and then they understand...

finally induced 8 days over due...
would not dilate no matter what they did to make me (and they didn't some horrible things)
finally after 40 hours of labor barely being dilated to a 5 had her by c-section...
lost too much blood and had to have 2 blood transfusions..
2 rounds of antibiotics trying to get my temp down
i was in the hospital for a total of 10 days!

i absolutely do not want to go through that again. i'm okay with the fact that my body doesn't go into labor the way most do and that i have to have my babies by c-section. i am grateful for modern technology that allows me to have babies and that i didn't die giving birth to brooklynn. i know that's a little dramatic but that is most likely what would have happened without the option of a c-section. 

so this time around i will not be putting myself through endless hours of labor that i know will end in c-section. we just scheduled it out and i couldn't be more happy.

well, actually i'm a little nervous because it is major surgery and i'm quite possibly the worlds most paranoid person but it's all going to be good.

i cannot wait to meet our sweet girl. i know she is going to be an amazing addition to our family and curtis, brooklynn and i already love her so much! so hopefully these next 2 weeks go by SO fast because my back is killing me and i'm about to loose my mind! :)

also, i'm not sure i can stand one more person saying to me,
"whoa you're so big"
or
"are you sure there's not twins in there?"
or
"you look like you're going to pop"
or
"oh man, i thought you were way farther along then that!"
or anything along those lines or i might punch them in the face.

why do people think these things are okay to say to a pregnant women! come on people!!!

anywho, i'll leave you with some photos from when b was born.

^^look how sweet curtis and b are!! don't mind me in the background feeling like death! ha!"^^

^^here is a few days after brooklynn was born.. still not much color in my face but b was so cute!!^^

jump on it

last week curtis and i took brooklynn to jump on it. it's a place that has a bunch of trampolines all connected to each other. it is so much fun! back in the day when i was a crazy college student my friend and i used to go here on friday nights and just jump for hours. i have to admit that i was having a really hard time not jumping... you know... being 2 weeks away from having a baby and all. but brooklynn and curtis had a blast. i think brooklynn would be fine if we went there every day. she also made a little friend there which was fun for her. they played together for almost 3 hours! we will definitely be going back after we have our new little one and i've recovered from having her.. so much fun!

^^love this blurry photo of B jumping into the foam pit!^^

long nights.

it's been a while since i've posted in here. i really am going to be better. i miss this little space of mine. 

right now i am sitting on my couch thinking about this long day that is ahead of me. we are about two and a half weeks away from our sweet baby girl's arrival and i'm pretty sure brooklynn is starting to sense that things are about to change... an already super attached mamas girl is now a "mama has to do everything for me or i am going to throw a gigantic tantrum" girl. let's just say it's really rough on me who has barely enough energy to get by on my own and for curtis who isn't really a fan of not being able to help her.

i mean, clearly this has got to be a phase but it's really starting to wear on me.. especially because for the past couple days she hasn't been sleeping very well and i am up for many hours of the night. yes i know this is what is coming anyway and i am okay with that. but at this point of my pregnancy my back is seriously killing me and sitting next to her and scratching her back like she wants me to is hurting me pretty bad.

at this point i am just not sure what to do with her other than just wait out this phase and hope it gets better. because if it doesn't... those first few weeks with baby are going to be... interesting. ha

i love brooklynn so much and i just want her to be happy and i just hope we can figure this out. because since she isn't sleeping she's having a hard time in the day. and that is just no fun for anyone involved. 

so wish us luck that we can figure out this funk and get back to all of our happy selves... so i don't go crazy. cause everyone knows that no one likes a crazy mom. :)

^^love these two^^

suddenly.

having a child is such an amazingly strange thing. becoming a parent for the first time really changes you in a way that you can't quite understand until it happens. this first child, the one who makes you a mommy holds this really special place in your heart. i've been thinking about this a lot as we get ready to bring in a new member to our family. how will she fit in to this mix? will brooklynn be jealous? i have no idea what is going to happen. all i know, is that no matter what it's going to be amazing. and i know that even though it seems like i can't love anymore because i already love brooklynn with all my heart that my love with just grow and grow with every member of our family. it is such an amazing feeling, but at the same time it's so scary. bringing these innocent perfect little ones into this rough world. counting on me to help them and teach them and encourage them to become good people in this world. it's up to me, to show them, mostly by my example how to be good and kind people. that to me seems to be the most important job in the world. 

today, as brooklynn napped i watched les miserables. there is a song that hugh jackman sings to a little girl that for some reason the lyrics just hit me hard as i've been preparing to bring another little girl into this world and already taking care of my sweet toddler. the trust that she has in me to take care of her is incredible and absolutely terrifying. i pray daily that i will be able to live up to what she and this new sweet baby girl deserve. 

suddenly -hugh jackman

Suddenly I see
Suddenly it starts
When two anxious hearts
Beat as one.
Yesterday I was alone
Today you walk beside me
Something still unclear
Something not yet here
Has begun.
Suddenly the world
Seems a different place
Somehow full of grace
And delight.
How was I to know
That so much love
Was held inside me?
Something fresh and young
Something still unsung
Fills the night.
How was I to know at last
That happiness can come so fast?
Trusting me the way you do
I’m so afraid of failing you
Just a child who cannot know
That danger follows where I go
There are shadows everywhere
And memories I cannot share
Nevermore alone
Nevermore apart
You have warmed my heart
Like the sun.
You have brought the gift of life
And love so long denied me.
Suddenly I see
What I could not see
Something suddenly
Has begun.