// happy fathers day //

happy fathers day to all those awesome fathers in my life..

to my dad who raised me to be the person i am today and is the best papa ever, i love you.

to my father-in-law who raised the man i love and is the best grandpa ever, i love you.

to all my brother-in-laws who treat all my favorite girls and my nieces and nephews right, i love you.

and last but definitely not least, to my husband, who is the best husband and father i could ever hope for, I LOVE YOU!

happy fathers day.

// family bbq //

saturday is the best day of the week. curtis isn't working and we have the whole day together to do whatever we want as a family. it's the best. today we hit up the dollar theater to see rio 2 which i absolutely loved. the music in that movie is so fun and so good i just wanted to dance the whole time. brooklynn did great. quinn did pretty good too, she is just so wiggly. she does not want to sit on your lap now that she can get around all on her own. but overall i'd say she did pretty good.

after that we went home for a little afternoon nap and then headed over to my brother scott and his wife brittany's house for a little bbq. we played a little bean bag toss game and talked and had some amazing burgers (thanks scott!!) it was a great time! i am so happy to be back in utah. so happy i can hang with my little bro and britt again! we love them so much! it was a pretty awesome day!

being loved by our children

i mean, lets be honest here. is there really anything better than the love we get from our children? those of you who don't have them.. well you just won't understand until you do. it is by far (in my eyes) the absolute best love you can receive. it is so pure. it is without strings. it is so completely unconditional. in other words, it's the bomb and it can make you feel amazing when you don't really feel amazing. 

tonight i wasn't feeling that great. don't know why but i just wasn't feeling myself. felt a little depressed. i put both of the girls down for bed and they both weren't having it. i was frustrated at first. they are both such good sleepers, what in the world was going on?! i took a minute and felt like maybe i should just give them a little help.. i grabbed quinn's bottle that she hadn't finished, got her out of bed and gave her the rest while i rocked her to sleep. something about watching my sweet baby girl look me in the eyes with her sweet sleepy blue eyes just melted my heart right then and there. that's all she need to be happy. was a bottle and her mama holding her tight.  what a beautiful thing. 

after quinn was tucked away sleeping her in crib i came out only to find that brooklynn was still having a hard time falling asleep. so again instead of being frustrated i got in bed with her and told her i would lay in bed with her until she fell asleep. she then proceeded to put her arms all the way around my next and said, "i love you so much mom, you're my best friend". be still my heart. i don't think it is possible to feel happier than i did at that moment. as i laid there scratching her back as she drifted off to sleep i realized that no matter what is going on in my life no matter if i'm feeling down for this reason or not.. i have these two sweet girls.. and that to them i am everything. i am their world. that's enough to get me through a life time and more. 

i love these sweet girls with my whole entire heart. 

easter // and then some

i hope everyone had a beautiful easter sunday. i know i did. the girls and i went down to oc for the week of easter and curtis joined us saturday night and went back home sunday night. we had a great time there. it was filled with birthday parties, the lake, a mimi and papa build a bear party, lots of food, egg hunts, ribs, lots of family, and lots of friends. we had a blast and our trips always end too soon.

i have no idea how long we will be living in bakersfield but i am going to soak up living so close to my family while i can. it's awesome.

pre-school

brooklynn started pre-school last week. this is so huge for her. i have been dreading having her go to preschool since she was about 15 months old and developed a major attachment to me. she cried hysterically every time i left her with anyone else. every. single. time. it stressed me out. what was i going to do when she had to start school? was she going to be that kid who is screaming as i leave her with her teacher? the thought killed me. stressed me out. 

but about a month ago she made a huge break through. at our church she started her sunbeam class where for 2 hours she is in a school type setting. i was so nervous for this but at least i would be just down the hall. the first sunday she was nervous but she came out a new girl. she absolutely loved it. so when we started pre-school to told her it was similar. she was pumped and so excited. she went with no fight at all. she asks every day if today she gets to go to pre-school. i am still in shock that she goes so willingly. 

i have spent so many nights praying that she would break out of her shell that she would be able to show the world the amazing, smart, funny girl i see in the walls of my home. she's a pretty amazing little girl and i am beyond proud of her!

juicing... day 5

today is day 5 of my juicing cleanse. so that means for the past 5 days i have had nothing but fresh juice that i make from my juicer and water. now let me tell you, it's been really really really hard and at the same time much easier than i thought it would be. i know that doesn't really make sense but let me explain...

it's easy in the sense that, it's black and white. every time i try and diet or eat healthy i always make exceptions for myself.. like oh i can eat just this one thing.. or just one bite of this or that (which always turns into 5-10 bites) i have no self control. so this is black and white. i can have juice and water. and nothing else. there is no room for cheating. so that is easy. also, i'm really not as hungry as i thought i would be. the night is the hardest i've been going to bed really early. ha. but i'm only hungry when i start thinking about all the food that i wish i was eating. then i feel hungry when in reality i'm not that hungry. so that makes it easy. i have been training me mind to not thinking about food all day. 

but that's the hard part.. not thinking about all the foods that i love so much! the second it comes to mind i start to feel like i crazy person because i want that food so much! ah. i want it so much! but this is good for me.. to hopefully break that habit of just wanting food all of the time. i do miss the act of eating. it is really weird not eating. i definitely miss that. but i just have to tell myself that it's not like i'm never going to eat again. i will eat normal food again. i just have to reboot my system. 

another thing, i know i originally had said i was going to do this for 30 days.. but i'm changing it. i'm only going to do it for 15. i may be wimping out call it what you will, but i just think that is what's best for me. i think i need to learn how to eat healthy and i think this will be the kick start that i need. so, 10 more days, i can do it. i hope i can do it. i will be proud of myself for doing this for 15 days because let me tell you it is HARD! 

but it will be worth it. even just to prove to myself that i can do hard things.

a little trip to orange county

i am seriously loving living so much closer to my family. this past week i decided to take another little trip down there for a few days to spend some time at the beach and see my little brother and his wife who were also down there visiting from utah. 

brooklynn has finally broken through her shell and had the best time! more on that later. but we all had a great time! we went to the beach, hung out with family and friend, went to the movies (we saw mr peebody and it was SO funny!), hit up a bounce house place called scooters jungle. every morning papa took brooklynn to get donuts and even bought her a new bike. it was a pretty all around awesome trip and it makes me so happy that we are going to have so many more just like it! 

here a few photos from our time there last week.