hey get a good nights sleep, you're not going to get that for a while, they say.

here i am... 3:25 in the morning.. been up since 2.. went to bed at 12. 

cannot sleep. 

today is the day i have this sweet little girl. i'd love to be sleeping right now since i'm supposed to get up in 20 minutes but i just cannot sleep.

first off it's about 10 thousand degrees in our house right now.

second since 11:30pm last night i cannot eat or drink anything at all until after the c-section.

I AM SO THIRSTY! 

i've thought about cheating like 500 times already.. but i haven't.

also, i'm supposed to check into the hospital at 5:30am but they make you call 1 hour before then just to make sure no crazy emergencies have come it and that they are not pushing back your surgery.

this happened to me when i was induced with Brooklynn so it's driving me crazy and i just want to know that i'll be able to come in on time and it's making it so i cannot sleep.

why am i not one of those people who can just chill and go with the flow? i am more of a person who needs to know right now or it's going to bug me forever. i'm dreading that i'm going to call and they are going to tell me not to come in and that i have to wait.

that will crush me and surely make me give into drinking 44oz of water right there on the spot.. okay not really but maybe. haha

i am going to be so exhausted though this process today with this no sleep deal i've got going on tonight but what can i say? i'm a worrier.

hopefully everything is all good. i want to meet this baby girl so bad!!!

...and i miss my other baby.

no more only child.

tonight was the last night that i put brooklynn down for bed as an only child.

the last night where my 100% focus was on her where i had no other distractions.

we're not having our little girl until thursday but since i have to check into the hospital at 5:30am and the hospital is about 40 minutes away it would be too hard to drop her off somewhere so early so she will be sleeping at my in-laws tomorrow night.

normally, we do our nightly routine and then she falls asleep on her own. but tonight i sat down next to her bed and sang her songs and scratched her back until she fell asleep.. then just watched her sleep for a few minutes before i left.

gosh, my heart is so heavy. i'm never away from her and so i'm worried about being away from her while being in the hospital. i mean, i know once i get there i'll have so much on my mind, you know, like bringing another baby into the world, that i'll stop stressing about her. especially because i know how much she loves her grandma and grandpa and they are amazing and she is going to be so happy there.

i really just need to relax.. which i'm not all that great at doing when it comes to my little girl. she's just been with me all of the time since she was born. i've only been away from her over night once while we went on a cruise when she was 9 months old. 

i think it's time i toughen up.

so, tomorrow is our last day as a family of three. SO CRAZY!!!! 

i cannot wait to meet my sweet little girl.

one. more. day.

t-minus 2 weeks people

alrighty, so we are officially 2 weeks away from having this sweet baby girl. 2 weeks never felt like so far away. every day feels like a week. i am soooo ready. 

now you want to know how i know we are exactly 2 weeks away? because i am having a scheduled c-section on august 29th at 7:30am. i have to admit that it is really nice knowing the exact date and time she will be making her arrival. there have been a lot of people who ask.. "why do you want to have another c-section? don't you wanna try?" and then i tell them how my delivery with Brooklynn went and then they understand...

finally induced 8 days over due...
would not dilate no matter what they did to make me (and they didn't some horrible things)
finally after 40 hours of labor barely being dilated to a 5 had her by c-section...
lost too much blood and had to have 2 blood transfusions..
2 rounds of antibiotics trying to get my temp down
i was in the hospital for a total of 10 days!

i absolutely do not want to go through that again. i'm okay with the fact that my body doesn't go into labor the way most do and that i have to have my babies by c-section. i am grateful for modern technology that allows me to have babies and that i didn't die giving birth to brooklynn. i know that's a little dramatic but that is most likely what would have happened without the option of a c-section. 

so this time around i will not be putting myself through endless hours of labor that i know will end in c-section. we just scheduled it out and i couldn't be more happy.

well, actually i'm a little nervous because it is major surgery and i'm quite possibly the worlds most paranoid person but it's all going to be good.

i cannot wait to meet our sweet girl. i know she is going to be an amazing addition to our family and curtis, brooklynn and i already love her so much! so hopefully these next 2 weeks go by SO fast because my back is killing me and i'm about to loose my mind! :)

also, i'm not sure i can stand one more person saying to me,
"whoa you're so big"
or
"are you sure there's not twins in there?"
or
"you look like you're going to pop"
or
"oh man, i thought you were way farther along then that!"
or anything along those lines or i might punch them in the face.

why do people think these things are okay to say to a pregnant women! come on people!!!

anywho, i'll leave you with some photos from when b was born.

^^look how sweet curtis and b are!! don't mind me in the background feeling like death! ha!"^^

^^here is a few days after brooklynn was born.. still not much color in my face but b was so cute!!^^

jump on it

last week curtis and i took brooklynn to jump on it. it's a place that has a bunch of trampolines all connected to each other. it is so much fun! back in the day when i was a crazy college student my friend and i used to go here on friday nights and just jump for hours. i have to admit that i was having a really hard time not jumping... you know... being 2 weeks away from having a baby and all. but brooklynn and curtis had a blast. i think brooklynn would be fine if we went there every day. she also made a little friend there which was fun for her. they played together for almost 3 hours! we will definitely be going back after we have our new little one and i've recovered from having her.. so much fun!

^^love this blurry photo of B jumping into the foam pit!^^

long nights.

it's been a while since i've posted in here. i really am going to be better. i miss this little space of mine. 

right now i am sitting on my couch thinking about this long day that is ahead of me. we are about two and a half weeks away from our sweet baby girl's arrival and i'm pretty sure brooklynn is starting to sense that things are about to change... an already super attached mamas girl is now a "mama has to do everything for me or i am going to throw a gigantic tantrum" girl. let's just say it's really rough on me who has barely enough energy to get by on my own and for curtis who isn't really a fan of not being able to help her.

i mean, clearly this has got to be a phase but it's really starting to wear on me.. especially because for the past couple days she hasn't been sleeping very well and i am up for many hours of the night. yes i know this is what is coming anyway and i am okay with that. but at this point of my pregnancy my back is seriously killing me and sitting next to her and scratching her back like she wants me to is hurting me pretty bad.

at this point i am just not sure what to do with her other than just wait out this phase and hope it gets better. because if it doesn't... those first few weeks with baby are going to be... interesting. ha

i love brooklynn so much and i just want her to be happy and i just hope we can figure this out. because since she isn't sleeping she's having a hard time in the day. and that is just no fun for anyone involved. 

so wish us luck that we can figure out this funk and get back to all of our happy selves... so i don't go crazy. cause everyone knows that no one likes a crazy mom. :)

^^love these two^^